i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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