My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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