One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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