Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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