he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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