you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I did not marry a roomba.
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