there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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