Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize