What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Randomize
