i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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