Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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