everyone is single if you try hard enough
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
