Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
