you win again, gameday.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
