Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
