I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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