i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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