I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
