Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
