Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
