Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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