he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
