Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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