she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Even my vagina gasped.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
