even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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