Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Quick, to the slutcave!
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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