Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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