Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
