having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
