you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
