the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
