dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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