So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
