The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize