Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
