This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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