Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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