Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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