This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
