Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
