my vag is so smooth its legendary
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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