I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
