Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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