Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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