I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
