You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
