guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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