big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You smell like stripper and shame
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
