I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
