WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
