she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
