Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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