Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
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