Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
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You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
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I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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