I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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