i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Omg I joined a choir last night...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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