Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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