Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
