i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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