A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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