He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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