Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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