Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
