So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
