Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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