Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
