nut hugger
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
