did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
