I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
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