I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
